I can't believe it.
Nothing changed. She is still rear facing. She is still breastfed. She is still not walking, but now she is a one year old. I am the mother of a 3 year old and a 1 year old. Oh. Em. Gee. (dude, I type like an airhead... but when there are no other words...)
I keep thinking about all those months of worrying while she was in my womb. Worrying about finding a doctor. Worrying about insurance and hospital payments when we couldn't get insurance. Worrying about the c-section and worrying that I would hate myself for not refusing said c-section and going for a natural water birth like I really wanted. Worrying that Haylie wouldn't like her, and that she would be jealous. Worrying that I wouldn't love her as much as Haylie. Or at all. Worrying that we wouldn't be able to breastfeed. Worrying that we would, but it would be difficult like before.
And I keep thinking how as soon as I held her, saw her, how all those worries washed away. How it was like she had always been in my life. How I knew her and she was only a few minutes old.
There is nothing like being a mother. Nothing like holding your newborn baby for the first time. There is nothing like watching them grow and change and I miss it. I miss the first moments. I miss how tiny and sweet smelling she was.
But I wouldn't rewind time to live it over. I'm too curious and proud of her to do that. I equally enjoy the cutting-5-teeth cuddles and frequent nursing sessions. I enjoy the giggles and new words and the way my girls interact and play. I love how much they adore each other. And I love to watch them grow and become more and more like twins.
I am blessed beyond words.
40 weeks pregnant.
Only an hour old.
Lexi today getting ready for birthday cake.
No comments:
Post a Comment